What is psychodynamic merging

Psychodynamic merging refers to a psychological process where a person starts to blend their identity with that of someone significant in their life — usually a parent, partner, or other important figure. This merging can manifest in various ways, and it often happens unconsciously, so individuals may not even be aware that it’s occurring.

Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin. Vestibulum tincidunt sed dolor.

In daily life, psychodynamic merging might show up as:

1. Adopting the other person’s behaviours and beliefs

This could manifest in a person adopting the mannerisms, speech patterns, or even the opinions of someone they’re closely attached to. For instance, someone who has spent a lot of time with a very opinionated friend might start to mirror their views on various issues without necessarily realising it.

With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter.

– Esther Perel –

2. Blurring boundaries

A person might lose sight of where they end and the other person begins, becoming overly enmeshed in their emotions or struggles. For example, if someone in your life is feeling stressed or down, you might feel as though their emotions are yours, even when you’re not directly affected by the situation.

3. Emotional contagion

This is when a person absorbs the emotions of another, often in an unconscious way. For example, if a partner is consistently anxious, you might start feeling anxious yourself, even if there’s no immediate reason for your own anxiety.

Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin.

4. Role confusion

Merging might lead to a person stepping into roles or behaviours that aren’t truly their own, especially if they’ve grown up in a family dynamic that required them to take on roles like the ‘caretaker’ or ‘peacekeeper.’ As an adult, they might continue to take on these roles in their other relationships, even if it’s no longer necessary.

5. Idealisation and devaluation

Sometimes, when merging occurs, the person might either idolise the other person (seeing them as perfect) or devalue them (seeing them as the source of all problems). This is often tied to childhood experiences and unresolved emotional needs.

Merging is often a defence mechanism, where a person feels safer or more secure by blending with others, often because of unmet emotional needs. In everyday life, it can be tricky to recognise when we’re merging with someone, because it feels so natural. However, if we notice ourself feeling overwhelmed by others’ emotions or adopting behaviours that don’t feel authentic, it might be a sign that merging is happening. It’s about finding a balance between being connected to others while still maintaining your own sense of identity and independence.