What does healthy compromise looks like

In a healthy interpersonal relationship, compromise is all about finding a middle ground where both parties feel heard, respected, and valued. It’s not about one person giving in completely, but rather about negotiating in a way that both individuals feel they’ve made meaningful contributions to the solution. Here’s what healthy compromise generally looks like:

1. Active listening and empathy

Compromise starts with both people really listening to each other’s needs, feelings, and perspectives. Healthy compromise involves empathy — understanding why the other person feels the way they do. Both partners are curious about each other’s experiences and try to see things from the other’s point of view.

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2. Respecting boundaries

A good compromise respects each person’s boundaries, meaning that no one is asked to sacrifice their core values or well-being. For example, if one person values alone time and the other values quality time together, a compromise might involve setting aside specific times for each other while also respecting the need for solitude.

3. Give and take

Compromise requires both people to be willing to give up something, but it doesn’t mean one person is always sacrificing more than the other. It’s a balance, where both partners are flexible but also get something they value. It might not be a perfect 50/50 split, but both feel like the outcome is fair.

All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take.

– Mahatma Gandhi –

4. Collaboration, not competition

In a healthy relationship, compromise is not about winning or losing. Instead, it’s about collaborating to find solutions that work for both people. It’s a team effort, where the goal is to strengthen the relationship, not to have one person’s needs always take precedence over the other’s.

5. Willingness to adapt

Both individuals are open to adapting their viewpoints or behaviours in ways that promote the relationship’s well-being. It’s not just about adjusting in the moment, but being open to evolving over time. This flexibility can strengthen the relationship in the long term.

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6. Checking in after compromise

Healthy compromise doesn’t mean letting unresolved issues simmer under the surface. After a compromise, it’s important to check in with each other about how the solution is working. Are both partners feeling satisfied? If not, the conversation might need to be revisited.

7. Non-resentment

After a compromise, there shouldn’t be lingering resentment or unspoken frustrations. If both partners genuinely agree on the solution, they should feel at peace with it. If one person gives in too much or feels coerced, it can lead to lingering negative emotions.

In essence, compromise in a healthy relationship is about mutual respect, cooperation, and flexibility. It’s a skill that both people develop over time, especially when they have a foundation of trust and a shared commitment to each other’s happiness and well-being.

If compromise feels like a struggle between you and someone you care about. You may also be interested in reading Why it’s so hard for some people to compromise.