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What is self-sabotage
Self-sabotage refers to patterns of behaviour or thought that actively prevent someone from achieving their goals or experiencing success, even when they consciously want those things. It’s often driven by subconscious fears, insecurities, or unaddressed emotional conflicts. While the person may outwardly desire a positive outcome, they unintentionally engage in actions that derail their…
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Why it’s so hard for some people to compromise
There can be several reasons why some people find it hard to compromise, and they often stem from deeper psychological, emotional, or even developmental factors. Here are a few possible explanations: 1. Fear of losing control or autonomy Some individuals have a strong need to maintain control over their environment and decisions. Compromise can…
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How to loosen the pressure to ‘repay’ in the traditional sense
Shifting from a transactional mindset to one that leans more on reciprocity can be freeing and help build stronger, more genuine connections with others. Here are some ideas that can help people embrace reciprocity without getting stuck in a transactional way of thinking: 1. Shift the focus to shared values, not exchange Instead of…
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Reciprocate vs. repay
Although the words ‘reciprocate’ and ‘repay’ are related, these are two different approaches people handle support or help. While ‘reciprocity’ is more about mutuality and can be based on trust and shared goodwill, ‘repayment’ is about explicit exchange and often comes with expectations of fairness or equal return. Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit…
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Why can’t I relax around others
The inability to relax around others can stem from a combination of personality traits, past experiences, biological factors, and social conditioning. It’s often about how safe someone feels in the moment, and that feeling of safety can vary greatly depending on the person and the context. Some of the most common reasons include: 1.…
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Raised by authoritarian parents
People who were raised by authoritarian parents — those who typically enforce strict rules, demand unquestioning obedience, and offer little warmth or emotional support — often develop certain behaviours and emotional patterns as a result of this upbringing. The authoritarian style of parenting creates an environment where control and discipline are prioritised over emotional…
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What does authoritarian parenting look like in daily life
Authoritarian parenting is a strict, control-focused approach to raising children. The key themes are: Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin. Vestibulum tincidunt sed dolor. In daily life, it often involves parents being highly demanding and expecting obedience without question. They tend to prioritise rules and discipline over warmth and emotional connection. Here’s what…
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What causes ‘approach and avoid’ behaviour
‘Approach and avoid’ describe a pattern where someone may simultaneously crave intimacy and connection while also fearing it, leading to a push-pull dynamic in personal relationships. It’s often linked to attachment styles, emotional regulation, underlying fears, or unmet needs. Here are some reasons why this might happen: 1. Attachment styles Etiam placerat velit vitae…
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What is psychological shape shifting behaviour?
Psychological shape-shifting refers to a type of behavioural pattern where an individual adapts or changes their personality, actions, or attitudes depending on the social context or the people they are interacting with. This can be done consciously or unconsciously, and it often involves altering one’s usual self-presentation to fit in with different environments or…
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Why conflict feels so scary for some
Conflict is a complex issue, and it can feel really scary for some people due to a combination of psychological, emotional, and past experiences. Here we explore the underlying reasons: 1. Fear of rejection or abandonment For many, conflict triggers a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned. If someone has experienced rejection or…
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How to stop feeling responsible for others’ feelings
Feeling responsible for others’ feelings is a very common struggle and is often linked to things like people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, or even trauma history. It can create a lot of emotional burden, because we internalise others’ moods or reactions as though they are our job to manage. But in reality, while we can offer…
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Do we have codependent tendencies?
Codependent tendencies refer to patterns of behaviour in which a person tends to prioritize the needs, desires, and well-being of others over their own, often to the point of neglecting their own emotional, physical, or mental health. This dynamic can develop in various types of relationships, but it is typically common in intimate partnerships,…
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Signs of incompatibility across all types of relationships
Incompatibility in relationships typically arises when values, priorities, or behaviours don’t align. It can show up in various forms, depending on the dynamics between the individuals involved. Below are the signs across all relationships: Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin. Vestibulum tincidunt sed dolor. These signs are commonly caused by: Irreconcilable differences Communication…
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What to expect when we start setting healthy boundaries
It’s a given that we’d experience difficulties when we try to set healthy personal boundaries, particularly with people who have come to rely on our lack of boundaries. When we don’t set clear limits on how others can treat us — whether in relationships, work, or social situations — there may be an unspoken,…
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What is ‘crapfit’?
‘Crapfit’ is a word Anna Runkle made up, for the phenomenon where people traumatised in childhood get too good at fitting themselves to unacceptable people and situations. This term to describe a situation where we find ourselves fitting into relationships, situations, or environments that are not good for us, not because we actually belong…
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How to trust our own judgement
It takes courage to trust ourselves, especially when we feel uncertain. We live in a world full of external opinions — family, friends, strangers in your street, and gurus on the internet. Often it feels safer to rely on others’ advice rather than trust what’s bubbling up inside of us. But at the end…