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Reciprocate vs. repay
Although the words ‘reciprocate’ and ‘repay’ are related, these are two different approaches people handle support or help. While ‘reciprocity’ is more about mutuality and can be based on trust and shared goodwill, ‘repayment’ is about explicit exchange and often comes with expectations of fairness or equal return. Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit…
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Why can’t I relax around others
The inability to relax around others can stem from a combination of personality traits, past experiences, biological factors, and social conditioning. It’s often about how safe someone feels in the moment, and that feeling of safety can vary greatly depending on the person and the context. Some of the most common reasons include: 1.…
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Exploring our ‘usual self-presentation’
Knowing our usual self-presentation is about becoming aware of the patterns in how we behave, think, and feel in various situations. Essentially, it’s our natural way of presenting ourselves to the world when we’re not consciously altering our actions to fit in or please others. Here are a few ways we can start to…
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What is psychological shape shifting behaviour?
Psychological shape-shifting refers to a type of behavioural pattern where an individual adapts or changes their personality, actions, or attitudes depending on the social context or the people they are interacting with. This can be done consciously or unconsciously, and it often involves altering one’s usual self-presentation to fit in with different environments or…
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What is psychodynamic merging
Psychodynamic merging refers to a psychological process where a person starts to blend their identity with that of someone significant in their life — usually a parent, partner, or other important figure. This merging can manifest in various ways, and it often happens unconsciously, so individuals may not even be aware that it’s occurring.…
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What does an enmeshed family look like?
An enmeshed family is one where the boundaries between family members are overly blurred, leading to a lack of individuality and independence. In these types of families, emotional connections are so intense and intertwined that it can be difficult for members to maintain a sense of self outside of the family unit. Here are…
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Why conflict feels so scary for some
Conflict is a complex issue, and it can feel really scary for some people due to a combination of psychological, emotional, and past experiences. Here we explore the underlying reasons: 1. Fear of rejection or abandonment For many, conflict triggers a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned. If someone has experienced rejection or…
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How to stop feeling responsible for others’ feelings
Feeling responsible for others’ feelings is a very common struggle and is often linked to things like people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, or even trauma history. It can create a lot of emotional burden, because we internalise others’ moods or reactions as though they are our job to manage. But in reality, while we can offer…
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Why some of us take responsibility for other people’s feelings?
Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings is a common pattern, and it can stem from several psychological and emotional factors. Here are some reasons why this might happen: 1. Early attachment patterns In childhood, the way our emotional needs were met by caregivers often shape how we relate to others emotionally as adults. If…
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How to deal with the silent treatment
Dealing with the silent treatment, especially from someone we care deeply about, can be emotionally painful and confusing. It’s often used as a way of expressing frustration, anger, or a need for space, but it can leave the recipient feeling isolated, unheard, and powerless. Here are some healthy ways to navigate this situation: 1.…
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Do we have codependent tendencies?
Codependent tendencies refer to patterns of behaviour in which a person tends to prioritize the needs, desires, and well-being of others over their own, often to the point of neglecting their own emotional, physical, or mental health. This dynamic can develop in various types of relationships, but it is typically common in intimate partnerships,…
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Signs of incompatibility across all types of relationships
Incompatibility in relationships typically arises when values, priorities, or behaviours don’t align. It can show up in various forms, depending on the dynamics between the individuals involved. Below are the signs across all relationships: Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin. Vestibulum tincidunt sed dolor. These signs are commonly caused by: Irreconcilable differences Communication…
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What to expect when we start setting healthy boundaries
It’s a given that we’d experience difficulties when we try to set healthy personal boundaries, particularly with people who have come to rely on our lack of boundaries. When we don’t set clear limits on how others can treat us — whether in relationships, work, or social situations — there may be an unspoken,…
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What is ‘crapfit’?
‘Crapfit’ is a word Anna Runkle made up, for the phenomenon where people traumatised in childhood get too good at fitting themselves to unacceptable people and situations. This term to describe a situation where we find ourselves fitting into relationships, situations, or environments that are not good for us, not because we actually belong…
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Why speaking up for ourselves matters
Learning to speak up for ourselves is an important step in empowering ourselves. At the same time, we also fear the fallout. Below are the reasons why the potential difficulties are worthwhile: 1. Self-respect and Personal Integrity When we speak up for ourselves, we honour our own needs, feelings, and boundaries. It’s a way…
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How to trust our own judgement
It takes courage to trust ourselves, especially when we feel uncertain. We live in a world full of external opinions — family, friends, strangers in your street, and gurus on the internet. Often it feels safer to rely on others’ advice rather than trust what’s bubbling up inside of us. But at the end…
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Allow our anger to protect us
Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, but it actually has deep evolutionary roots and plays a vital role in our survival and well-being. Here’s why: Etiam placerat velit vitae dui blandit sollicitudin. Vestibulum tincidunt sed dolor. 1. Signal of Threat or Injustice: Anger is a powerful emotional response to situations where we…