Raised by authoritarian parents

People who were raised by authoritarian parents — those who typically enforce strict rules, demand unquestioning obedience, and offer little warmth or emotional support — often develop certain behaviours and emotional patterns as a result of this upbringing. The authoritarian style of parenting creates an environment where control and discipline are prioritised over emotional connection or autonomy.

Here are some common behaviours observed in people raised by authoritarian parents:

1. People-pleasing tendencies

These individuals may seek to please others, often at the expense of their own needs or desires. They might have grown up in an environment where approval was conditional, making them highly attuned to others’ expectations and eager to avoid conflict or disapproval.

Manifestation: Constantly seeking validation, over-apologising, difficulty saying no, and putting others’ needs first.

2. Fear of making mistakes

Authoritarian parenting often stresses perfectionism and emphasises consequences for mistakes. As a result, children raised in this environment can develop a deep fear of failure or making errors, as it may have been met with harsh criticism or punishment in their formative years.

Manifestation: Avoidance of risk, high levels of anxiety around performance or making mistakes, and excessive self-criticism.

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3. Low self-esteem

Due to the lack of emotional warmth and support, children may grow up feeling unworthy or inadequate. Their value might have been linked primarily to their behaviour or achievements, rather than being accepted for who they are.

Manifestation: A constant sense of not being good enough, difficulty in accepting compliments, and feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.

4. Difficulty with emotional expression

Authoritarian parents may have discouraged emotional expression or seen emotions as signs of weakness. This can lead children to suppress their feelings, leading to difficulties in understanding, expressing, or managing emotions as adults.

Manifestation: Emotional repression, difficulty recognising or talking about emotions, or an over-reliance on logic and control in emotional situations.

5. Rebellion or resistance to authority

Some individuals may react to the overbearing control they experienced by becoming overly rebellious or defiant as adults. While this behaviour can be a form of reclaiming autonomy, it can also manifest in unhealthy ways if the individual has not learned healthy boundaries or assertiveness.

Manifestation: Difficulty in respecting authority, engaging in oppositional behaviour, or rejecting structure or rules entirely in an attempt to assert independence.

If you really want your children to respect you, let them speak! Give them a safe space to say how they really feel without fear of how your pride will react.

– Brook Hampton –

6. Over-controlled or rigid behaviour

On the flip side of rebellion, others might internalise the need for control and become excessively rigid or perfectionistic in their own lives. The need for structure and certainty, which was likely imposed on them as children, can become a core part of their personality.

Manifestation: Rigid routines, reluctance to be flexible, and anxiety when things are not perfectly controlled.

7. Difficulty with intimacy and trust

Due to the lack of warmth and emotional connection in their upbringing, individuals may struggle to develop close, trusting relationships. They might have difficulty trusting others or allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

Manifestation: Emotional distance, avoidance of closeness, or difficulty forming deep, trusting relationships.

8. Chronic anxiety

The high expectations and controlling behaviour from authoritarian parents can create a constant state of vigilance in children. This can lead to long-term anxiety, particularly in situations where they feel they are being judged or scrutinised.

Manifestation: Constant worry, difficulty relaxing, overthinking situations, and a tendency to catastrophise.

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9. Internalised shame and guilt

Because authoritarian parents often emphasise the child’s behaviour as either right or wrong, children may grow up internalising feelings of shame and guilt when they perceive themselves as falling short of these standards.

Manifestation: Deep feelings of shame and guilt over perceived failures, and difficulty forgiving oneself for past mistakes.

10. Difficulty with decision-making

Children raised in authoritarian households may not have been allowed to make many of their own decisions or face natural consequences. As adults, this lack of autonomy can lead to indecision or fear of making the wrong choice.

Manifestation: Difficulty making decisions, relying heavily on others for guidance, or seeking approval before making choices.

11. Perfectionism

The pressure to meet high standards set by authoritarian parents can develop into a pattern of perfectionism. This can be a defence mechanism to avoid criticism or punishment, and it can persist into adulthood.

Manifestation: Setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and others, being overly critical of oneself or others, and feeling disappointed or distressed when things aren’t perfect.

Despite childhood conditioning, these behaviours are not set in stone — people can and do change over time, especially if they work through their past experiences in therapy or through self-reflection. Many individuals with authoritarian backgrounds manage to adopt healthier ways of coping once they understand the impact of their upbringing.

You may also be interested in reading about what authoritarian parenting looks like in daily life.