Exploring our ‘usual self-presentation’

Knowing our usual self-presentation is about becoming aware of the patterns in how we behave, think, and feel in various situations. Essentially, it’s our natural way of presenting ourselves to the world when we’re not consciously altering our actions to fit in or please others. Here are a few ways we can start to identify our own usual self-presentation:

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1. Self-reflection

Taking time to reflect on how we act and feel in different situations can help. We can ask ourselves questions like: 

• How do I behave when I’m with close friends or family compared to when I’m with colleagues or strangers?
• What traits or values do I express when I feel comfortable and at ease?
• How do I feel when I’m not trying to impress anyone, or when I’m not worried about fitting in?

2. Consistency

Our usual self-presentation tends to remain relatively consistent over time, even if there are small variations. For example, we might notice that our humour, communication style, or how we approach challenges is similar regardless of the setting.

The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.

– Erik Erikson –

3. Emotional resonance

When we’re being authentic, there’s usually a sense of emotional ease or alignment with our actions. We might feel more at peace or grounded when we’re not putting on an act or trying to please others. If our behaviour feels forced or strained, that can be a signal that we’re in a shape-shifting mode.

4. Values and beliefs

When we’re presenting ourself in a way that’s aligned with our values, we’re likely to feel more authentic. Reflecting on our personal values — such as honesty, kindness, independence, or creativity — can help us see what part of ourself is usually present, regardless of the situation.

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5. Patterns in stressful or high-pressure situations

Pay attention to how we respond in moments of stress. Often, when people feel stressed or vulnerable, they may revert to their natural self-presentation or coping mechanisms. If we tend to withdraw, be highly self-critical, or become overly controlling in these situations, it can indicate what our usual mode is.

Self-awareness is such an empowering journey, becoming more in tune with our usual self-presentation often takes time and self-compassion. Identifying when we’re being your authentic self and when we’re shape-shifting can help us move towards greater self-acceptance.