What does authoritarian parenting look like in daily life

Authoritarian parenting is a strict, control-focused approach to raising children. The key themes are:

• No room for negotiation or personal expression
  Everything is based on the parent’s rules and decisions.
• Punishment over reasoning
  Discipline often comes without an opportunity for the child to understand the consequences of their actions or learn from them.
• Emotional distance
  Emotional warmth, support, or understanding might be missing, with the focus almost entirely on control.

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In daily life, it often involves parents being highly demanding and expecting obedience without question. They tend to prioritise rules and discipline over warmth and emotional connection. Here’s what it can look like in practice:

1. High expectations and strict rules

Parents often set rigid rules about behaviour, schoolwork, and chores. These rules may not be open to negotiation, and there’s little room for flexibility

Remember you are not managing an inconvenience. You are raising a human being.

– Kittie Franz –

2. Limited emotional support

Authoritarian parents might not show much warmth or affection toward their children. Praise is minimal, and the focus is on what the child is doing wrong rather than what they are doing well. For example, a child might get a lot of feedback on their mistakes, but little positive reinforcement when they do something right.

3. High control, low autonomy

Children may have very little say in decisions that affect them. Parents often make choices for them without asking for their input. For example, a child might be told exactly what to wear or how to spend their time after school, with little room for personal choice or negotiation.

4. Strict punishments

Consequences for breaking rules tend to be harsh often with little explanation or opportunity for discussion. For example, yelling, spanking, and typically doesn’t involve any reasoning or opportunity for the child to explain their side.

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5. Emphasis on obedience

Authoritarian parents expect their children to follow orders without questioning them. The attitude might be something like ‘Because I said so’ or ‘You will do this, no questions asked.’ Any sign of defiance or questioning is often met with punishment or reprimanding.

6. Little flexibility or adaptability

Changes in rules or expectations based on the child’s needs, feelings, or development are rare. A parent may not adjust their expectations for a child’s temperament, maturity level, and they may have a one-size-fits-all approach for how children should behave.

Impact on the child

While this approach may produce short-term compliance, it often leads to long-term emotional and psychological effects. The child learns to follow orders and obey rules but may lack the skills to think critically, negotiate, or express themselves in healthy ways. Children raised in authoritarian households may struggle with self-esteem, lack of autonomy, and may even develop difficulty expressing emotions or forming healthy relationships later in life.

You may also be interested in reading about behaviours and emotional patterns commonly displayed by individuals raised by authoritarian parents.